Truths About Your Inner Life That Can Change Everything

Most people are unwilling to look inward at themselves for fear of what they might see. They live in their imagination of how to be in the world rather than become the embodiment of what and why they truly are. This evolves into a form of learned helplessness, leaving them trapped in an uninspired and limited life.

Truth doesn’t hurt when we learn that integrity is a physical place not information, one where we can choose to live and grow. The decision to move there is liberating and fosters a ritual of compassionate self-care. While the external world can become unraveled, our inner life is guided and deliberate.  Adversity becomes a uni-versity of learning from experience. When we become students of our signature expression (i.e. soul) we gain daily wisdom that was otherwise out of view. 

Only a few people welcome this kind of self-reflection because integrity and authenticity comes with personal responsibility. The good news is that once such a path is discovered, we can’t imagine living any other way.

1. There is no such thing as waste in the human psyche but, you have to look inside to know this. 

Life does not always go as planned. There are lessons to be learned and insights to gain. One step forward is often followed by two or three steps in reverse. Some people can become bitter about this and say life isn’t fair. Unfortunately, fixating on such emotions make these people feel like victims. In truth, life tends to get behind whatever we support – good and bad. This is something that many of us learn from experience.

When we look at adversity as compressed ‘lumps of coal’ or diamonds, there is wealth in our suffering. Converting outward negative experiences into useful motivation for growth takes baby steps and patience. Eventually, the process becomes easier. When it does, we hear ourselves say: “That was really hard but, I wouldn’t change a single thing. It’s made me who I am today.” Meanwhile, people who curse negative experiences have yet to learn how to cultivate their inner lives. Such individuals view adversity as another affirmation that life is hard. At the mercy of their emotions, every difficulty is nothing more than re-enacting the past. Feeling, or re-acting in the present moment, is foreign to them.

2. Having an inner life means you can take a recess from the ego’s incessant worry.

Few people realize that *the natural resting state of the human ego is anxious. This is why to calm ourselves, we must take a break from external noises. It is especially important to find a quiet place away from our thoughts. Focusing on a  breath or a heartbeat is better than giving attention to worry. The goal is to lower the volume of our own inner voice. You’ve heard the numbers: 60,000 thoughts a day of which 16,000 make into our awareness. And, 98% of these thoughts are the same stuff we thought the day before. Many of us have a ‘repeating loop’ in our heads that can be exhausting. I think having such a context is important because it gives us a healthy way to define crazy – the amplification of thought. The good news is we can learn to control the volume.

In short, taking a break from thinking makes silence possible. These breaks are brief initially but with practice are easier to achieve and maintain. There’s a way to know when you’ve mastered a form of inner quiet, new thoughts emerge? Isn’t that’s exciting?!

3. There is humility in having an inner life and it fosters compassion for yourself and others. 

In today’s culture, narcissism has become ‘the fix’ for shame or self-loathing. We have more shame-based generations now than ever before. Where guilt says: “I made a mistake,” shame repeats: “I am a mistake.” Humility grows out of suffering with one’s life experiences long enough to see the truth. No guilt. No shame. And, more importantly, no self-deception. You begin to learn how prepared you were for what life presented you – the good, bad, and ugly. Life is no longer your fault or less than it should be. Rather, humility reinforces that life can be lived fully with compassion and self-love. Adversity deepens our appreciation and gratitude for life, particularly when things are good. I’ve come to call this form of gratitude – love squared.

4. Having an inner life dictates that living fully is an inside out process, not the reverse. 

There is a myth in the culture that if one could just get the right job, the perfect relationship, make the best salary, live in a big house, and land in the best location – everything will come together on the inside. In other words, obtaining some control over the external we’ll be happy on the inside. In truth, giving station to your signature expression (i.e. soul), honoring feelings over emotions, being adaptable and accepting of change, and moving in the direction of your heart’s intent– is the path to happiness. It’s not the landscape of your life that matters most, it’s the relationship you’re having with your inner life.

Learning one’s passion, having the best relationship with oneself that is possible, and feeling worthy and significant means your Heart as Compass is online. It seems most of us don’t figure this out until midlife. You know the story: We’ve climbed, achieved, and mastered our vocations. We have met the person of our dreams…or close…and, we’ve had children. But, something is still missing. Take a breath…you know what it is…we’re missing! Not having an inner life kept us externally focused, some of us for decades. When this is corrected, many of us grow in leaps and bounds. Sadly, ignoring our inner life causes the majority to push their rewind button and simply start again.

5. An inner life is heart-centered.

Viewing our circumstances through the lens of our true compass (the heart) is like seeing for the first time – with love. It becomes a practice of feeling our way through life versus thinking ourselves into a coma. Historically, thoughts block our capacity to find our true north. Using the Heart as Compass when we’re confused is the practice of closing our eyes and looking with something else.

Perception is powerful. Utilizing the Heart as Compass is the healthy lens for viewing our life. I often teach: “When we’re connected to our inner lives, the experience of life is richer – the blues, bluer and the greens, greener. 

6. Money Comes Close To Buying Happiness – Having An Inner Life Makes Happiness A Certainty

When one is fortunate enough to feel good about who they are, the last thing they should do is keep it to themselves. This  is something that comes with age, the realization that life is better shared.  You would think that the more money we have, the more we’d choose to share it. It turns out the reverse is true. People hoard money the same way they do their possessions. Thank goodness our inner worth doesn’t work this way.

Imagine gaining confidence, self-worth, or a healthy self-esteem. Now imagine burying it in a coffee can behind your house. That just feels odd, doesn’t it? Confidence and self-esteem are forms of inner wealth, to not share them is a wasted accomplishment. Interestingly, we don’t have to defend against someone stealing our integrity, truth, or compassion. Take advantage of us, maybe. Rob us of our inner worth, not possible!

Don’t become so focused on success or accumulating material wealth that you forget to be in a reciprocal relationship with life. Give to others in moderation so you have some compassion leftover for yourself. Giving to others at your expense is not healthy. Giving to simply BE received, this is the gift of our heart’s intent.